Thursday, December 20, 2007

More Friday silliness - a little ahead of schedule

Apparently this comes from the Washington Post, which runs an annual neologism competition, in which contestants suggest alternative meanings for existing words. At the risk of being labelled a coward, I shall err on the side of caution and cull the more risque ones from the list, but this post nevertheless carries a political incorrectness warning.

  • Coffee (n) The person upon whom one coughs
  • Flabbergasted (adj) Appalled at how much weight you have gained
  • Abdicate (v) To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach
  • Esplanade (v) To attempt an explanation while drunk
  • Negligent (adj) Describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown
  • Lymph (v) To walk with a lisp
  • Gargoyle (n) Olive favoured mouthwash
  • Flatulence (n) The emergency vehicle that picks you up after you have been run over by a steamroller
  • Balderdash (n) A rapidly receding hairline
  • Rectitude (adj) The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists
  • Pokemon (n) A Rastafarian proctologist
  • Oyster (n) A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms
  • Frisbeetarianism (n) The belief that, when you die, your spirit flies up onto the the roof and gets stuck there

I have to say that my favourite is "esplanade". As a person who never, under any circumstances, gets drunk (long story), I have been subjected to many earnest "esplanations" in my time that - tragically for "splaner" - I am able to remember the next day! If I'm ever down on my luck, I might start to charge for my silence!

A close second has got to be a tie between negligent (Cherie Blair, anyone?) and flatulence.

I invite you to come up with a few of your own - perhaps it will relieve the stress of the frantic pre-Christmas rush to "get it all done in time".

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